Monday, September 24, 2007
23RD SEPTEMBER 2007
It's the first time in many many years that I wanted to be happy on this very occasion. It was quite easy, tho I had pangs of emotional disorientation where I actually wanted to be unhappy. Bt I kept telling myself, NO! This year, it's different. I focused on what I've achieved so far, n I felt better abt the day oready. I'm almost shocked that I'm still smiling!
On Sat, I met Nad, Yaya n Herni for buka puasa @ Ramen Ten Far East. Nad n Herni got me a present each, which really was a surprise for me. I din expect any gifts at all from them. Nad gave me a box of Ferrero Rocher Chocs (wic I kinda guessed), bt luckily it's Rocher! coz I love them, other chocs... hmm.. I mite end up nt eating them at all! Herni gave me a really lovely necklace!
Nad's & Herni's Gift to me!
The necklace that Herni got me!On the actual day, I found myself waking up at 10 am! Bt then again its sun ok! N den I spent the next couple of hrs, asking for my gifts frm my family, while answering sms after sms, wishing me a happy bdae. Mind you, I got lots too ard midnite. N den I spent it by watching tv, or shall I say, Will & Grace DVD. N den at ard 2pm, I felt tired. I was contemplating getting ready for my yrly ritual. If u must noe, every year, on my bdae, I will go to Changi Airport, T2, viewing mall, n sit there alone. yup, ALONE! Y? coz i look airport n watching the aircrafts land n take off? I find it calming. That will set me the mood for my yearly soul-searching. Yup, I do a yrly review of my life at the T2 viewing mall while watching the aircrafts land n take off.
I will usually tell myself "hmm...one yr gone kin..."
n den find myslef asking.."so wat haf u done? wat haf u accomplished in this 1 yr of ur life?"
n den i finally realised n answer "nothing."
yup, dat's the kinda hard truth i have to face every year on my bdae. I do not achieve anything for a year of my life. Everything is the same.
I'm still a pathetic loser.
I'm still single. (sumtimes i'm happy being single, bt sumtimes, i do want to share my life with sumbody), I'm still crossing my fingers n putting my heart n soul on that line called miracle, where the love of my life is with me.
I'm still alone and lonely.
I'm still mysteriously pretentious.
I still have lotsa unachieved goals n i m nt doing anything abt it.
I m still a very sad sad person.
I do not have a career.
Most of the times, I do not have a friend.
I still long to have ppl whom I will call family.
I still long a mother's & father's touch, care & concern.
I still crave bonding from an elder sister, nt sum1 who is n elder sister wif no job scope for that.
I still need the respect I deserve from my younger siblings.
In short, i'm still nothing.
Sad, isnt it? It's sad to slap ur own face yr after yr on what seemingly to others, should be one of the happiest day of ur life. Bt dat's wat I do. I slap me back into reality. Making me fully aware that life's nt a box of chocolate, esp nt for me. It usually ruins my day, bt i noe dat the day after, I will be stronger, coz I noe i'm still nothing.
Usually halfway through the soul-searching, I will write or scribble on pieces of papers my thoughts, my feelings, my needs, my wants, my hopes and my dreams. N den I crush them. Coz it's all bull.
Till today, I always find that birthdays are n over-rated thing. Ppl thinks that juz coz its ur bday, u must be happy. Well... lemme ask, it's my birthday, does the world stop revolving? Does time stops? Can I not go to werk? Can I murder sum1 n get away with it? No right? So, wat's the big deal? I juz happened to be born n this same date, yrs back, That's all. If anything, my mother shld be celebrated. She was the one who's fighting for her life in the name of an unborn child. Think abt it.
Bt dis yr, everything is different. If u read my previous entry, I did say, I wanna be happy dis yr. N wen i losted down my wishlist, I'm happy to find dat, I kinda get sumtings done. Goals are still unachieved. Wat the heck, goals will always be unachieved. So, dis yr, I decided, sumwhr ard dat 2pm, I will break the ritual, n nt go to the airport. Instead, I went up to the rm, took a bk (its a kursus bimbingan rumahtangga bk. gasp!) read it for 1 hr, n den went to sleep.
I set my alarm to 6pm. I woke up, went to bathe to get ready for my celebration. I noe mum n bakyu are bz cooking, I cn hear them n I cn smell the food. Guess wat I saw, wen I went down....
OMIGODDDDDDDDD!!!!!! Ada kenduri ke ni????????? Look at the spread! Mmc nk jamu ramai org sey! Bt den again, we r a big family. Plus bakyu, plus shahreil who came over to buka puasa with the future family. Dat's huge. N den I realise sumting. No wonder we r having this spread. Shahreil is here!!! Nt fair!!!! I knew my mum did all this because Shahreil is coming, nt because of my birthday! Typical her. Siapa2 yg jd menantu ibuku sgt beruntung, kerana dier sgt sygkan menantu2 lelakinyer. Tgk ajer si Shahreil tu. N he's super lucky coz so far, he's the only menantu. My mum always pamper him! Tkpelah, nk jamu Shahreil makan, tempiasnya aku dpt gak kan! So no complaints...
Bt MY BEST SURPRISE is.... jeng jeng jeng...... I got not one.... bt TWO BIRTHDAY CAKES!!!!!! Thx to along yg kental! Mum already bought a cake, n wen she went out to meet shahreil n get my prezzie, she bought a cake too. Bukannya nk tepon rumah n check dulu! Tkper, di atas kekentalan dier... I GOT TWO CAKES! So... no complaints!!!
This is the cake we bedal first. My fav cake of all!!
This is the 2nd cake. Ges wat? I pig out on it n fin half of the cake!!! N i dun even like cakes! I'm sooo starting this binge-ing trend. N shahreil oso brought sum stuff!
Ooh... of all the air katira I tasted in my entire life, Shahreil's aunt's recipe is the best! The best ting is..ow every yr we get to taste it!
After the azan, we obviously buka puasa first. After that, then came the celebrations...
Erm.... Honestly... I'm 17!
After the sing-along session, we quickly snap this pic, as my dad was already rushing out.
But we had to have a family pic right??? Rite dad????
N of coz, one more!
Guess wat's in the La Senza Bag????Ok, I din get any of the prezzies I wanted. Nt even one! Bt wat the heck! I enjoyed it still. I'm shocked I like it. Hehehehehe... Wat made me even more happier is dat along's kad jemputan, wic urs truly, picked and sponsored, are ready! Kak Fati went to get them as I was too busy to travel to JB, and Lukman sent the cards over to my hse. For that, Thanks a Gazillion Cuzzies!
I let u all have a preview of the card...
Pretty isnt it? It so suit our concept! Mestilah, tgk siapa wedding planner n manager dier kan?? N.... ada bau wangi pulak tu! I din noe that wen I chose it. Bt the bummer was wen I realise, 2 days after the kad arrived, while waiting for the bus to go to werk, dat I din include bus no 292. How cld i??? Dat's like my fav bus sey! Nvm, no biggie actually.
Ok, so dat's abt it folk, if u have been wondering wat my bdae wld be like dis yr.
N oh yeah, i forgot.
"HEY KIN! HAPPY BIRTHDAY YA!"